Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
