It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
