quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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