Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
