i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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