I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
