Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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