I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
