Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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