dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
