Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
