Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
