All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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