I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
