It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
