I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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