she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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