I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
