The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
