i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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