after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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