I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
