The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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