Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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