I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
