Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
