My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
