I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
