it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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