That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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