i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
