An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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