You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
