If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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