Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
