That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
