im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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