When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
