OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
