i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
