Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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