You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
