youre lurking in front of me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
