booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
