in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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