Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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