went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
