I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this will be a night to untag.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
