We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
