Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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