i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
