She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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