They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
