If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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