I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
that is very illegal...i love you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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