If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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