Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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