so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
