I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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