Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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