One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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