I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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