The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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