Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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