hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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