Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I puked a lego.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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