Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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