If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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