You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
