I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Come see our sink grown plant.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
