kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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