4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm like, not good at living.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
