I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
