You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
